Planning your big day…..your wedding questions answered

Ok………….so your planning the biggest day of your life and don’t know where to start.  We’ve answered some of the most frequently asked wedding questions to help you start planning your perfect day.

shutterstock_80979424 (1)

Family stuff

I don’t have a ‘traditional’ family set up and I would prefer my step dad/ brother/ granddad to walk me down the aisle. How do I go about this?

You can choose whoever you want to give you away and it doesn’t have to be your father or even a male relative. It’s perfectly ok for your mother to give you away if this is what you would like. It can be difficult to approach this with your father or someone who might be expecting to have the honour. You should follow your gut instinct.

What about the bridesmaids?

I have a close circle of friends and I’m really close to my sister(s). I know that they will all assume that they’ll be chosen to be chief bridesmaid. How do I choose one of them without upsetting the others?

You need to follow your heart with this one. Choose the person you feel is appropriate and explain to the others why you have done this. Perhaps this friend helped you through a particularly difficult time. If you take the time to explain your decision and if the others are allocated bridesmaid roles then this shouldn’t cause any problems.

How many bridesmaids are you allowed?

Completely up to you! Just remember the costs involved for dresses and flowers.

Can I ask my bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses?

In some countries this is standard practice. If it is financially easier for you that your bridesmaids pay for their own dresses just be sure to have a conversation about this when asking them to avoid any unwanted surprises when they it comes to payment.

….And the men?

My fiancé has a close circle of friends and just cannot choose one! Can you have more than one best man?

Absolutely! Don’t stress over having to choose if you have say 3 best friends, just give them all a different role, one to give the rings, one to give the speech and one to stand next to you in the church. Just check with the church or venue and it should be fine. Maybe change the arrangements for top table to reflect this.

What is the difference between groomsmen and ushers?

These are often confused as people refer to them both and sometimes mean the same thing! Groomsmen are the men that stand next to the groom in the church, usually his friends and possibly his father and brothers. Ushers are the people giving out the service books and directing guests to seating. They usually wear the same or similar outfits to the groom’s-men and are more traditionally younger members of the family. This role could also be given to the groom’s friends who he wants to include but not as best man.

Guest numbers

I don’t know where to begin with numbers? Help!

Deciding on your guest numbers will inevitably be one of your first steps because this benchmarks almost everything else that you book and defines all of your costs. You won’t be able to have a full idea of what venue to choose unless you know what guest numbers you will have. Then your table decorations, favours, size of cake, are all dictated by the number of guest you have. Start by making a list of everyone you would ideally like to have there, and then arrange them in priority order. This may seem brutal, but it is necessary! Then divide the amount you have budgeted for your wedding party and divide it by the number of guests. You will then have the amount per head with which to look at venues. If you would prefer a small wedding breakfast and bring others along for the evening, this is not uncommon. Just check with the venues you have in mind what their minimum numbers policy is. If you really want everyone to be part of your special day there are ways around having everyone there. You can either choose a cheaper alternative of venue, where everyone can celebrate together, or you could choose to get married later on in the day, say 3pm onwards. This means only having one sitting of food. After photographs, travel to the venue and wedding drinks, food may not be until 7pm then. Alternatively you could get married off peak, during the week where many venues have special offers. Lastly – don’t forget to include yourselves and your wedding party when counting up the numbers!
My Mum/ future Mother in law /Gran have lists of people they want to come along. I am limited on numbers and do not want to have distant family or their friends there over my own, but they are contributing to the wedding. What should I do?

It’s understandable that you feel in a position over this. Your family members are most likely so proud that they want to share this moment with others. The best thing you can do is work out your numbers and allocate them an amount. For example, if you were planning on inviting 20 members of either distant family or parents friends, but the list they have gave you is more – just say you have space for 20 guests and its up to them who they choose to fill those seats.


We want our wedding child free, apart from the children involved in the service; will guests be funny about this?

Chances are, they are used to not having their children invited. Just make sure you are clear on the invitation; ‘Mr & Mrs James Smith’ indicates it’s just the 2, whereas ‘The Smith Family’ implies little Henry is also invited. You may get the odd parent who may be offended, but if they raise this with you, simply explain it’s your day and its what you wanted. In the main, most parents are glad of a good night out together!

I don’t mind having children, as we have our own, just I’d like them gone before the evening. How do I say this politely?

Simply address the invitation to all of the family, and inside have ‘Children until 7pm’. If it’s friends or relatives living nearby, it should be easy to have their children picked up. If your guests are from further afield, this may be a little trickier and may be better addressed with a phone call.

Wedding presents

I really don’t want presents from guests! Is there a good way to ask for good old cash or vouchers instead?

Don’t worry! Nowadays it’s not unusual for couples to ask for cash or vouchers rather than gifts. Include something in your invitations to let guests know your wishes and if you’re asking for money let your guests know what this will be used for. There are verses available all over the internet that you can include in your invitations or be creative and make your own.

Room and Table Dressing

I would like a theme for my wedding. How can I look into this further?

If you have a think about what kind of theme you would like, the best services to compliment this are your cake maker, entertainment and music provider, and the place you get your favours and table decorations from. Discuss your ideas with your styling and decor company and see what you can come up with.

Wooden cufflinks for the men

Wooden cufflinks for the men

I know weddings usually have a colour theme, is this just 2 colours, say red and ivory?

This is entirely up to you but using a few shades of the same colour can sometimes look better than a lot of different colours unless you’re going for a festival or carnival theme. Otherwise stick to a couple of contrasting colours with perhaps a third accent colour.



Watch out for our next installment of frequently asked questions in relation to your ceremony, reception and after the wedding……………………..…cick  here read more frequently asked questions on planning your perfect day.

If you’re looking for some help in getting started then contact us here to book your free one hour consultation.

Shopping Basket
From our Blog

Castles, peacocks and ostriches
Our second wedding of the Easter weekend took us to nearby Walworth Castle for a colourful

A rustic style wedding at Newton Hall
While most of Darlington (and the rest of the UK) enjoyed a bank holiday lie in on Good

Dressing your wedding tables – Part 1 Table Linens
Welcome to the first in this short series of posts helping you to create beautiful wedding



Frequently Asked Questions when planning for your Ceremony…
For all of your ceremony related questions from roles and responsibilities to travel.

Planning your big day…..your wedding questions answered
Ok………….so your planning the biggest day of your life and don’t know where